Echoing Back

I now know why I met you. Anghel ka talaga. Dahil sa'yo I won in a promo.

Maybe not my angel. Pero definitely an angel as I always knew. What I'm about to have, won't be mine if not for you.

This is not to sound materialistic. Nor to downplay every non material thing that you shared with me. For making me happy. Pero I got a bonus from you, something which I have always wanted since high school. Actually yun nga ang gusto ko sanang grad gift sa akin. I so wanted one. And pagdating ng college, I have always wanted this brand.

Everyone else, paki-basa pala ang previous blog ko na "In a manila envelope" just to see how magical this is.

To continue reading, click here.

Glad to be back, Quiapo

January 11, 2007

Not that I haven't been here for ages.

Only last year I was here, for work, in the middle of the swarm of devotees of the Black Nazarene. Which means I haven't really been here but to just a square meter of Quiapo or even less, moving only to where the limited space would let me move.

Today, however, Quiapo is back to its usual crowd with enough space for vendors and buyers, fortune tellers and vagrants and pickpockets. I join them and am now walking towards the same street I went to more than six years ago for one special mission. Something that would have changed my life.

For more, click here.

January 5, 2008; Around 20 minutes after 9pm

Dahil disappointed si Red sa nabasa niya sa post ko na "January 5, 2008; Around 20 minutes after 9pm", gumawa na lang siya ng sarili niyang version.

GALENG!!!!

January 5, 2008; Around 20 minutes after 9pm...

Jeco stood up from his chair and walked out of the news room. He decided to pass by the 7-11 at Timog to buy some instant noodles and instant coffee. An unusual choice of action away from his routine but something he could not explain was driving him.

He stepped out of the GMA building and took a whiff of stale, Manila air. With his arms akimbo he took a glance at his surroundings. Some people were milling about trying to catch a ride home.

Jeco sighed. It was a typical night for him. As most of the city's denizens rushed home, Jeco's night was just starting. Such was the nature of his work.

He shrugged and continued on to the store.

As he entered the swing doors he saw her at the counter, paying for an asado siopao and a bottle of C2 apple.

She caught sight of him, too.

For more of this interesting story, click here.

I'll miss telling you stories

   You were never just the reason why I tell them. Still, I always anticipate the times when you finally get to hear them.

In many ways it is because of you that I tell so much detail in most tales I share. I didn't care if I'd be pathetic to others. I shout them in public just so you can hear them, just so you know what I feel, what I do everyday. Just so you know, without me telling it to you directly. Because I cannot tell everything when we were alone. Time always wasn't enough. And my power to express seemed useless most of the time. Only through stories am I able to be with you everyday. Not that you want it but I want it that way anyway. It was my way to make you feel I was always here. It didn't even matter if you leave before the tale was over. You dropping by to eavesdrop was enough for me. At least you know I wasn't far away.

Also, you were the reason why I tell codes. And you were the reason why I didn't elaborate most of the time I was asked to. Not even when it was you who kept asking.

More when you click here.

Done with the last line

"Marie, let's suppose that two firemen go into a forest to put out a small fire. Afterwards, when they emerge and go over to a stream, the face of one is all smeared with black, while the other man's face is completely clean. My question is this: Which of the two will wash his face?"

"That's a silly question. The one with the dirty face, of course."

"No..."

(Excerpt from Coelho's "The Zahir")
Find the last line when you click this.

Double post: Time to go back & From where I left off

Time to go back

"Jeco, na-preview mo na raw ba yung tape tanong ni Tina?"

Haayyy... Went out for a quick errand and my boss is already looking for me. Ganun talaga. Buti na lang pabalik na ako. I was even lucky to be able to go out for a minute or two. And an hour later, I was back at Morato. This time with co-writer Tin.

click here to continue

From where I left off (a continuation)

I was still staring at what we bought when Tin arrived (after revising some of the news items assigned to her) -- I got a frappuchino, a Kopi Bun and a Yum Burger. Gluttony, no doubt.

"Paano naman tayong hindi tataba? Stressed tayo -- kakain. Depressed -- kakain. Pag masaya -- kakain."

Even without money. Only few weeks ago we were feasting on Skyflakes, an indication that payday is getting nearer meaning we were on the last few centavos of our last salaries. I just started in Saksi then and that probably will be one of the most unforgettable nights here in GMA. We were just fooling around -- well at least me -- and were talking about the hottest issue that week -- moves to impeach President Arroyo in Congress.

"Sawa na ako," complains Kuya Dave. "Sana bukas may pumutok na istorya. Take one - live sa site, take two - live sa ospital. Para iba naman."

click here to continue

Constructivism by Carl

from UP Clothing Tech's Movement
October 5, 2007
UP Theater's Main Lobby



Congrats ulit Carl!

You made our batch very proud.

You left your work, you studied ulit, you chased your dreams and here you are.

Sabi nga nina Nico, very '99!

For other of Carl's designs and more of that night, click here.

If Only

3:00 AM. He would have been asleep as usual as his dad drives him to the office.But instead flashbacks from the past kept him awake.

The setting: A funeral. In the midst of the chaos inside the house, he looked for her. And just outside the kitchen, by the backyard, he found her...

Click here for more...

eyes behind the counter and existential attacks from nowhere

He checked his number and then checked the display counter.

1637. One more and he'd be next in queue. If only the group before him can hurry up paying.

Then he saw them leave - laughing and teasing each other about their attempts to get the customer associate's number.

How could they even kid about such attempts, he thought. He wouldn't even dare ask her anything. Had been considering that since the day he started paying bills at that branch but was never really been able to ask anything.

"Given up my heart to you, now angel don't go
She said, go find the right one, love her and then
When you look into her eyes, you'll see me again"

His favorite upbeat song played in his mind again as he approached the counter. He'd been looking at everyone's eyes just to find his angel again. And by everyone, he meant just everyone and anyone, even the most unimaginable. He actually feels he may have found those eyes already in someone really unexpected. But he thought another set of eyes maybe worth looking into too. He can't afford to miss his angel by any chance.

He handed his payment slip and his cash. Then took a ballpen and a piece of paper and with all the courage he could muster he asked:

"Ako miss, hindi nagbibiro. Pwede ko kayang makuha ang contact mo?"

Her smile was difficult to read. She must have learned it from some dealing-with-customers training or perhaps she's just used to such questions.

He tried putting up a smile too. "Email, friendster... no?"

No reactions from her. How he hates that. A "no" would be appreciated but she just looked at him as if telling him his turn is over.

But her eyes changed just when he was about to leave. It was like telling him "Wait, I have something for you." Then she handed him a piece of paper.

It was just his receipt. No contacts from her. Just the company's trunkline, address, the amount he paid and the cashier's name printed below.

Her name below.

Bingo!

Two days since finding her in friendster and two messages after, her account's MESSAGING feature has been restricted to her friends. Perhaps not her. Or perhaps her. Until he gets the chance to look at those eyes closely, or until his angel says "eto na'ko" he'll never know.

An aunt just died.

Woke up wanting to attend the earliest worship service today.

Had myself excused from work and did just that.

He has given us two choices - life or death. That was the topic today.

Obvious choice was life. Who wouldn't choose that? If only I'm assured of that now, I'll ask Him to take me right now. But then again, I can't go without seeing my angel - a Zahir I have yet to fulfill.

With no plans at all, I went to my elementary school. This time to deal with my Personal Legend, which I am considering abandoning after years of hanging on.

Been getting omens from nowhere to find another direction, a new path, a new career.

So I visited a few people from my past, if only to remind me of why I am in this industry.

Met my elementary school paper adviser and then my terror Filipino teacher who every morning required us to present a newscast.

Did that "Balitaan" under her from Grade IV to VI - complete with "Ulo ng mga balita", "Balitang Pangkalusugan", "Star News" and "Ulat Panahon."

Was nostalgic. It felt good that I am doing what I have always loved to do. But sometimes I wonder if this too has limited my opportunities. Maybe there are things I'd also love if only I have tried them before.

Update: Message restriction removed.

And then suddenly.... I'm (not) free

"I heard other people speaking in the name of freedom,
and the more they defended this unique right,
the more enslaved they seemed to be to their parents wishes,
to a marriage in which they had promised to stay with the other person for the rest of their lives,
to the bathroom scales, to their diet, to half-finished projects,
to lovers to whom they were incapable of saying No or It’s over,
to weekends when they were obliged to have lunch with people they didn’t even like.
Slaves to luxury, to the appearance of luxury, to the appearance of the appearance of luxury.
Slaves to a life they had not chosen, but which they had decided to live because someone
had managed to convince them that it was all for the best”

- Paulo Coelho's "The Zahir"

Was finally "released" from one of my jobs and felt really free so I wrote a long blog last Monday (which I decided not to publish).

Yes, unnecessarily long as usual, perhaps to convince myself that I still control my life. And that I am still who I was before. And that nothing and no one, not even someone I love one, can dictate what I want to do, how I want to think and what I want to feel.

And that the few times I felt depressed or felt lonely or felt like crying and hugging myself -- they happened because I let them happen. They do not really differ from the times I was happy and excited and really hyper -- they too happened because I let them happen.

And that I have this freewill, this emotional remote control that can easily switch my feelings to sentimental mood when I get bored for always being happy and vice versa.

In that sense I am free. Yes, I guess I'm free. But am I?

“The inspector says I’m free. I’m free now and I was free in prison too,
because freedom continues to be the thing I prize most in the world.
Of course, this has led me to drink wines I did not like, to do things I should not have done and which I will not do again; it has left scars on my body and on my soul,
it has meant hurting certain people, although I have since asked their forgiveness,
when I realized that I could do absolutely anything except force another person
to follow me in my madness, in my lust for life. I don’t regret the painful times;
I bear my scars as if they were medals. I know that freedom has a high price,
as high as that of slavery; the only difference is that you pay with pleasure and a smile,
even when that smile is dimmed by tears”

- Paulo Coelho's "The Zahir"

Dimmed with tears. How can one be free and still be in tears? If I am free, then why would I choose to be sad? Why would I be bored with being happy and contented? And why would I choose to complicate my life? And must I complicate my life in order to feel both free and happy?

Too many questions. I am free to answer them and yet I feel I shouldn't. Confrontation, especially with yourself is just too difficult. So instead, I freely choose another option... the option to not find the answer at all. But it's been said that "truth shall set you free". Does that by exercising my freedom to not choose, I am enslaving myself by not knowing the truth? Will I forever be a captive?

Perhaps freedom is a double-edged sword. Either way one swings it, one will still get hurt and wounded. Especially if he is not strong enough. Because freedom is a heavy sword to carry. One can't be too frail to handle it. One must be ready.

So when will I be ready? I wish I can tell you.

Who said na wala na akong weekend nights?

Originally posted on my Multiply Blog last February 19, 2007

I did. Kasi on weekend nights I am at the office writing for our weekend newscast. I officially started last night. So how did it went?

Txt Msg: May flash ka?

Rply: Yup. Pero kung tinawagan ka to pinchit for me at nasa office ka na, ok lang. Ikaw na muna. Dadaan lang ako kasi di ko sure kung ngayon ako start.

Txt Msg: Hindi. Gusto ko kasi magfair. Yayain sana kita.

Rply: Oo nga pala. Sana may pinapunta silang iba para magsulat. Text kita later.

That was Julie. Unfortunately, start na pala talaga ako. So for that night and the rest of my weekends wala na talaga akong gimik sa gabi.

Txt Msg: Uy, daan pa rin tayo. Kahit sandali lang.

Rply: Sige. Gusto ko ring magfair. Pero pagkatapos ng Flash. Text kita pag umeere na kami.

So ano nangyari? Hehehe. May instant gimik ako on the first night when supposedly start na ang mga weekend nights ko na wala akong social life. Ayos!

We arrived at UP between 12am and 1am. Naabutan pa namin ang Sugarfree, Itchy Worms and some other bands which I don't know. Was glad to find many people of our age still coming back to UP for the annual fair.

Somethings never change ika nga... like guards and policemen chasing half-naked orcs. May mga henna tattoo booths pa rin, mga nagtitinda ng mojo sandals, tibak shirts, fishballs, shawarma at pizza.

Pero may mga bago rin... like crab nuggets na unexplainably masarap kahit di ko malasahan ang crab.

Pagdating sa shirts mukhang hindi nakuntento sa mga self-centered shirts ang mga isko at iska (UP ako. Eh ikaw?). Kanina may mga nakakatawang print designs ako na nakita - "ARENEO" at "YA SHALLE".

Sama di ba? I can already imagine sarcastic comments from the other side of katips - "That's how you spell it? Duh!" Naimagine ko na rin ang sagot ng mga pasaway - "No. Just that... that's how some of you pronounce it." (Peace blue and green friends!)

Another shirt line (PAKSHIRT) from a different booth offers customized shirt prints. Pero may mga ready-made na rin which reads "PAKSHIRT kayong lahat." and "PAKSHIRT ka rin."

Meron din silang shirts na nagbabandera ng famous Sam Milby line na "i NEVER... said... that I love you!" (TV drama "Maging Sino Ka Man"). His other male chauvanist famous line "It was just a kiss. It meant nothing" has yet to grace PAKSHIRT's designs.

Pati mga tibak, going mainstream na din. The concert was sponsored by Kabataan Partylist, a progressive youth group backed by UP's alliance of left-leaning student groups. Actually, hindi na bago ang sponsoring ng concerts. Yung bago is that the group actually used the concert to campaign for the elections, complete with video walls displaying the group's MTV-ish commercial. Yup, yup. Videowalls which usually displays close-up shots of bands playing were instead displaying talking heads of different young people saying "maki-alam" etc. Two of these talking heads were Angel Locsin and Dennis Trillo. Ayaw niyo maniwala? I-youtube niyo.

(Nothing against this by the way. Buti na nga yun, they are trying to make changes in the society through our democratic institutions. Nakakatawa tuloy yung mga praning sa gobyerno na panay ang pagdiscredit sa mga left-leaning partylist groups na gustong "makapenetrate" sa Congress. Pakawala raw ng NPA. So what? Yun nga yung essence ng democracy - to be open to different ideologies. Nanghihikayat sila ng pagbabalik-loob tapos pag naki-join sa ligal na political exercises yung mga tao eh ayaw nila. Eh kung ayaw pala nila, eh ano pang kaibahan nila sa kinakalaban nilang komunismo? Bakit gusto nilang sila lang ang may control sa gobyerno?)

Anyway, enough about the concert and politics. Let's talk about food kasi UP Fair is not UP Fair without food tripping. Aside from "making tusok-tusok" some crab nuggets bumili rin kami ng chocolates.

Kasi for 18 pesos, we were able to buy 18 pieces of cloud 9 plus a free picture taken with cloud 9 logos as a backdrop. Hahaha. Here's Julie holding her cloud 9 and me... well, mouthful. Kinain ko na lahat yung 18 na cloud 9. hahahaha

We also tried Tagaytay's Mushroom Burger for P40. Hehehe. First try namin.

By the end of the concert around 3:30 or 4am, marami na rin kaming napag-usapan like never-ending discussion about our respective careers and that other much-talked about topic. Tapos more discussion on that topic while walking from Sunken Garden to Philcoa via University Avenue.

Sarap talaga maglakad sa Acad Oval. Sana next time, jogging naman.

So who said wala na akong weekend NIGHTS? I did.

Totoo pa rin naman eh. Nang magstart kami kanina it was past 12 midnight na. So technically Sunday MORNING na kami nagfair.

So cheers... to more weekend morning gimiks!

Ang Talinghaga ng Panonood sa Umaagos na Tubig

Originally posted on my Multiply Blog

Ano? Nakatitig ka na naman sa ilog.

Lagi na lang tuwing mapadadaan ka sa ganyan, titigil ka at mamangha na lang.

Sabagay, ilang beses lang naman 'yon. Dalawa? Tatlo? Hindi na mahalaga di ba? Basta ang alam mo, kailanman, hindi mo 'yon pinapalagpas at sinisiguro mong naiguguhit mo sila sa'yong alaala.

Pero hanggang ganun lang. Uupo ka sa tabi nito. Pakikinggan ang agos ng tubig, pipiliting masalo ang pagtalsik nito habang humahampas sa mga bato. Dadamahin ang lamig at ginhawang dala nito. Pagkatapos muli lalayo ka nang kaunti. At buong araw mong titignan ang bawat pagliko ng tubig, ang mga bato sa malinaw at mababaw na bahagi nito at ang dilim ng kalalaliman ng malayo nitong bahagi.

Bihira kang lumusong. Ang totoo, yung todong-lusong na may pagsisid, minsan pa lang. Tatlong buwan kang lumangoy, pagkatapos umahon ka rin.

Mas sanay ka kasing nanonood. Mas sanay ka kasing nasa tabi. Kung dadampiin mo man ang ilog, madalas kamay o paa lang na isinawsaw sa tubig. At dahil lang yon sa hiling ng ilog. Dahil binulong nito na makipaglaro ka kahit kaunti. O kaya'y dahil hiniling nito na alisin mo ang kahoy na humaharang sa dumadaloy nitong tubig. Dahil pag humiling na ang ilog, hindi ka nakakahindi.

Nakangiti ka na naman. Tuwing hahampas ang tubig sa tabing-ilog, ganyan ka. Pero siyempre alam mong natural lang 'yan. Hahampas at hahampas 'yan, kahit wala ka diyan.

Natutuwa ka sa bata. Malayang lumalangoy dito. Kaya ka ba hindi lumulusong? Kung sabagay hindi rin. Sa mga nakaraang ilog naman, talagang nakatingin ka lang. Kahit walang ibang nilalang na nakikipaglaro sa tubigan.

Hanggang kelan ka titingin? Hanggang kelan ka mamangha? Mahirap maintindihan na ganyan ka lang. Tumatagal ka sa panonood sa pag-agos ng ilog. Maghapon, magdamag, nagbabantay dito.

Sabagay, nabanggit mo na 'yan dati. Kung nagbabantay ka man, hindi mo 'yon ginagawa para sa ilog. Ginagawa mo 'yon para sa'yong sarili. Kung sundin mo man ang hiling ng ilog na magtampisaw ka sa kanyang tubig, hindi iyon dahil sa sinusunod mo siya. Kundi dahil masaya kang maipaalam sa ilog na mahalaga siya at nakakapagpasaya siya. Kung lusungin mo ito para kunin ang nakaharang na kahoy, hindi mo 'yon ginagawa lang dahil sa mahal mo ang ilog. Ginagawa mo 'yon dahil masaya ka ring nakikita ang malaya niyang pag-agos.

Sa huli, ginagawa mo 'yan para sa'yong sarili. Kaya nga binubulong mo sa ilog na wala siyang dapat ipag-alala. Ang hiling mo lang, sana di siya mailang kung maupo ka sa tabi niya, na pabayaan ka lang sana na panoorin siya.

At bagamat minsan, naiisip mo ring uminom sa kanyang tubig, pinili mo na lang na hindi. Nang sa gayon, buong-buo siyang makarating sa tahaking pinili niya, sa karagatan na naghihintay sa kanya.

Hayaan mo, minsan bubuhos sa'yo ang ulan. Maaring ito rin yung ilog na iyo ngayong pinagmamasdan. O maari ring tubig ng ibang ilog na hindi mo pa napuntahan.

Sa ngayon, titigan mo lang ang ilog. Kung bagalan niya ang pag-agos at hindi agad lumayo at payagan ka niyang mamangha sa kanyang kagandahan, magpasalamat ka. Pero huwag kang umasang bubulong siya. Hindi mo kailangang lumusong, mahirap na. Baka di mo kayanin. Baka hindi niya pahintulutan. Baka malunod ka.

Inside a Panicking Mind

BABA JECO! BABA!

That wasn't my mom. It was my brain yelling at me. And for the next two-hours it was restless.

"Manong, para muna. May naiwan ako."

O sh*t jeco. San mo ba kasi naiwan? Dun sa terminal. Baba bilis baba. Shucks wala rin. O my, baka dala mo sa jeep. Hindi mo naman tinignan bago ka bumaba.

FLASH BACK- 1989:

I was in a jeep with my Dad and was on our way home from school, when my Dad noticed that I don't have my lunchbox with me. I said I must have left it somewhere in school so we got off the jeep immediately. We looked everywhere I stayed before he fetched me but saw no lunchbox. We even checked the tricycle we rode from school. And then I remembered... I placed it behind me when we rode the jeep. I had it with me all along. Of course, I didn't tell my dad. Para san pa? Malilintikan lang ako lalo.

Read more here

Because my inbox need space

Random quotes from my inbox

"I hate you, and then I love you... it's like I want to throw you off a cliff, then rush to the bottom to catch you..." THE SAD IRONY OF BEING IN LOVE

"You yearn for someone not because you want to be complete. But because you want to add more color to your life. That person must not necessarily break through your busy sched. That person must inspire you to manage your time well instead. You see, it's not a matter of distance and time. It's smiling alone every once in a while, knowing that somewhere, somehow, someone smiles at the thought of you."

"I don't know why we all hang on to something we know we're better off letting go... It's like we're scared to lose what we don't even really have. Some of us say we'd rather have that something than absolutely nothing. But the truth is: "to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all..."

More here...

Remind me to hug you when I see you

I was previewing foreign video feeds from AP Television Network for an item I was about to write. I've read APTN's script and it seemed really inspiring, but not as compelling as when I saw the video.

I was both smiling and teary-eyed just watching the feed. Never had a news item moved me so far like this. Alone in street was a korean student holding a placard, then there was another in a different street, then another and another... each carrying a placard high above their heads

One girl patiently waited, smiling at everyone she sees. Two girls near her whispered at each other then slowly moved towards the girl carrying the placard and then hugged the girl.

Read more...

About Me

I've written a long "About me" displayed on my profile page.

While reading you'll hear this upbeat song "Undercover Angel" playing in the background.

Here's some lyrics so you can sing along and understand the song:

Cryin' on my pillow, lonely in my bed
Then I heard a voice beside me, and she softly said
Wonder is your night light, magic is your dream
And as I held her, she said, see what I mean

I said what? she said oo-oo-oo wee
I said alright? she said, love me, love me love me

Undercover angel, midnight fantasy
I've never had a dream that made sweet love to me
Undercover angel, answer to my prayer
You made me know that there's a love for me
Out there, somewhere
Yeah somewhere

Heavenly surrender, sweet afterglow
Given up my heart to you, now angel don't go
She said, go find the right one, love her and then
When you look into her eyes, you'll see me again

I said what? she said oo-oo-oo wee
I said alright? she said, love me, love me love me

Undercover angel, midnight fantasy
I've never had a dream that made sweet love to me
Undercover angel, answer to my prayer
You made me know that there's a love for me
Out there, somewhere
Woh Somewhere

Now you know my story, and girl if it's right
I'm gonna take you in my arms and love you tonight
Underneath the covers, the answer lies
I'm lookin' for my angel in your sweet lovin' eyes

She said what? I said oo-oo-oo wee
She Said alright? I said, lay next to me
She said what? I said oo-oo-oo wee
She said alright? she said, love me, love me love me

Undercover angel, midnight fantasy
I've never had a dream that made sweet love to me
Undercover angel, answer to my prayer
You made me know that there's a love for me

Love Me, love me love me

Undercover angel, midnight fantasy
I've never had a dream that made sweet love to me
Undercover angel, answer to my prayer
You made me know that there's a love for me
Out there

Reviews and Resolutions

December 31, 2006

Yes, Internet addiction is something to work on but seriously, I believe my insomnia's been a big problem last 2006 affecting my health, career and social life.

Recent weeks proved that I actually can overcome that. I had a one week stint in a very-early-morning-newscast which forced me to sleep earlier (9pm at the latest) so I can wake up earlier (1am). I have never felt better and more productive before. By 8:30 am, I'm done with that stint and can work on my other shows early. Usually I'm still in bed snoring. I can even stay until 8pm with enough energy in the office whenever my work demands that. Twice last week I spent 24 hours in the office (Sunday-Monday, yes Xmas and Thursday-Friday.)

Read more...

Finally... a Quorum

It's been quite a while since we last had a BIG dinner-reunion. Recent NEB '99 gimiks were usually attended by four or five people. And while those night-outs have been great, seeing more people and catching up with more stories is even better....

Read more

Post Scripts

Philippine Idol

I need to be at the Big Dome tomorrow night to hear Mau sing LIVE!

I don't want to be at home watching and hearing that on TV. Audio quality was bad, bad, bad. Statics and audio feedbacks were heard all throughout the show. It was more  noticeable during the three's final songs. Audio system wasn't picking up high frequency sound properly. Volume decreases during high notes - that was consistent during Gian's, Jan's and Mau's last songs.

Fortunately for Mau, the energy the live audience felt after her last song reached our TV set. Had I've been given an empty seat (there were lots as I've seen on TV) for tonight's performance night, I'd be among those who stood in ovation for her final performance.

Yes Mr. C, it was magical. Outright cinematic, something you'd only see in the movies -- everyone standing, clapping and cheering, Mau and some from the audience were crying. It was as if the scene was scripted and choreographed but even better because it was real.

I expect a similar powerful feel to end the announcement tomorrow night. And I hope to hear Mau singing that song again with the same passion when she becomes the first Philippine Idol.

Recent entry

Bit too much as many people have pointed out, short of telling me I seemed desperate. To a certain extent I am. But I blame it more on watching too many romantic movies.

Doesn't mean though that piece was an exaggerated piece. It was one of the sincerest thoughts I've written. And if I get to see my angel now, I'll proudly show my letters and say, "I've written these for you, long before we met."

Then when the moment's right I'll sing "I knew I love you before I met you".

Hahaha. How bout that for a spoiler?

Anyway, I decided not to delete the entry after much contemplating. That was a spontaneously written piece. Some one sent a very good excuse for me to keep the entry posted - "... a beautiful mind is not hindered nor watchful, but free."

 

Startup Companies vs Big Companies

Yeah I know. I haven't been posting entries lately. I'm sure everyone was relieved to find no "Jeco has updated his friendster blog" messages among their emails for days.

That doesn't mean I haven't been online to stalk your blogs though. Yes, yes, I was up checking everyone's friendster and blog updates while downloading Prison Break, Lost and Heroes episodes (thank you very much to my insomnia. It's 4:41 am now). I even found one cool article while blog surfing.

Here's Large companies and 'A' talent by Moishe Lettvin, a software engineer at Google. Good reading for those contemplating on leaving your "big company" for a smaller one (or vice versa) or even considering starting your own. 

Major geeky stuff there but everything else applies to most industries in general.

Searching the Marketplace

This is to correct my earlier entry Playing with Zune where I wrote, "Zune's search doesn't work in the Marketplace, which means buyers will have to manually searched through Zune's 2 million songs for sale."

According to Gizmodo, Zune's search covers the Marketplace. "Zune also downloads the Zune Marketplace database locally, so even store searches are fast," it says.

I have yet to check again if that works.

Look at who's smiling again

I am. Tanggal na kasi si KEN!!!!!!!

Seriously, and no offense to Ken, the announcement that he was finally booted off made my day. All for the best, I guess, especially for the best of Philippine Idol's interest. Not getting a significant share in the ratings is bad enough (although understandable UPDATE: see comments). To have a "non-Idol" as a Philippine Idol, however, means death for the franchise.

=====

Also, I've been in a happy disposition since last week. Until when, I am not sure, but I thought I should blog about this for a change. Most of my entries are about angst and other negative thoughts pretty much like our newspapers and newscasts. Heard about the misconception that positive stories are non-stories for news or non-stories for blogs in my case? Not to mention the negativity of my segment is rubbing off me.

Pero sabi nga sa 24... "dapat may maganda, may masaya, may positibo, dapat may GOOD NEWS!!!"

So here's the good news... I'm back. I'd like to think that I am among those who are happy "at default" only I don't blab about that too much because during those times I am busy annoying other people leaving me no time to blog. I've read in one edition of TIME about a finding which says that each person has their default level of happiness. Those who are inherently happy may be depressed at one point (like after getting crippled in an accident, sorry for the example) but will be back to his level of happiness after a while. Those who are depressive "at default", even after winning a billion bucks in a lottery, will be back to being depressed after a while.

.....
.....
.....

Ok, I'm starting to get depressed again. Maybe I am among those who are depressive "at default". Heck No. That sucks. It's like saying people are destined to be happy or depressed all their life. Never mind that study. I think the secret is to be surrounded by people who loves you and who are genuinely concerned about you.

Which leads me to another point I've read in that same edition of TIME. The role of the community around you. I've been in touch with my friend Madz and have noticed her new aura. Not only is she in love, she's also deeply involved with their Church. Maybe I should take the cue from her. Maybe everyone should.

I've also realized how lucky I am to have these great colleagues. Yeah sure, I have complaints and angsts on how stressful work can be but surely those do not include people around me. I've been through really though times in the recent weeks and it was good to have people looking after you. Sending IMs asking if you are fine or reminding you that it isn't all about work but also about your health. People organizing dinners and get-togethers and spending quality time to talk about just anything. There are even those who I haven't really been close to who suddenly opens up to share really personal feelings. No it's not like those open forums we see on TV. These are spontaneous sincere conversations that suddenly opens even when you weren't really talking about your own personal angst, just sitting in front your workstation busily typing the news.

To that "quarter-life crisis" article which said that friends you found in the workplace are people who you should worry about, I say, I've found an exception.

Also my gratitude to those who found time to read my entries. Many people think that blogging personal stuff is really senseless and is for those who seeks attention. I also think that way before. But not recently. Somehow it has become a way of sharing, even releasing what it is really that I feel. In a way, it's a cheaper version of going to a psychiatrist. It is even more reliable than some people who you thought you can confide anything to. I remember telling a problem to this person who I really trusted and was close with and getting this feedback in return - a look which says "You are making up that problem noh?" The hell no.

Here all I do is blab about nonsense and chances are, few people are actually reading. Like you, who at this point is still reading this very line. Who would waste time on this? Only my true friends will. Some will even waste a few more seconds to reply or text or say hi. And some will surely be talking about this nonsense with me when we ran to each other or when we have a chat over a cup of coffee.

What should have been in "Praning"

Tinatamad na ako isulat 'to.

Pero In gist, what I was trying to say was that because of the experience of almost being mauled I was more afraid in the streets now.

Last Saturday I accompanied three former members of UP Paranormal Society to search for ghosts and other entities in the UP Theater. This was for a segment I was producing. But I wasn't really frightened even during the few times that our camera lights went out just as the paranormal investigator was pointing the location of the entity (happened twice).

But when I went to our high school classmates' house somewhere in Luzon Avenue, mas kinabahan ako. We were along the road waiting for some classmates and I feel like every guy passing was looking and about to hit us with some pipe.

Papunta sa bahay ng kaklase ko kailangan naming dumaan sa mga maliliit na eskinita. I was with two other classmates who lives in the area and another one who knows the way as well. PERO 20 minutes yata kaming nagpaikot-ikot. Apparently they didn't know the way. May mga tumutulong naman, volunteering directions --- mga tambay na nag-iinom! Nililigaw ata kami. At one point, I was so paranoid I have to tuck my iPod inside my undies. YES! Inside my undies! The screen part was held by my pants' waistband.

Nakarating naman kami ng maayos. Paglabas na lang kami nakasalubong ng lasing na biglang pinagtuturo yung isang kaibigan ko at naghahamon ng away.

Sa jeep pauwi sa amin, isang mama naman na katabi ng driver ang text ng text at lingon ng lingon sa likod. Eh may isa pa kaming kasamang praning. Akala niya tinitignan yung GF niya. Sinita-sita niya. Maya-maya may nag-eepal na isa pang mama, pulis pala.

A little later, biglang naghalughog yung mama ng gamit sa bag niya. Nagpanic na yung dalawang praning baka raw may baril. Pinahinto yung jeep, pinuntahan nung pulis yung mama tapos naghahanap ng ID at kung anu-ano sa bag.

Actually, headphone lang naman nung cellphone yung kukunin nung mama. I saw it kasi nasalikod lang ako. Pero kasi naman lingon talaga siya ng lingon sa likod eh. Sabi niya hinahanap niya yung kasama niya eh bumaba raw pala.

NYAK! Not to be judgemental. Mukha naman siyang mabait. Kaya lang ganun na ganun style ng mga holdaper. Wala pang laman yung jeep nakapwesto na siya sa tabi ng driver. Kung magkasama sila bakit naghiwalay pa sila ng upuan?

My iPod nga pala was safely tucked under my pants so pagdating ko sa bahay, ayun may dent at wrinkles na yung skin ng iPod ko.

 

Wala lang. Corny blog lang. Napromise ko na kasi sa blog ko last time.

Praning

Praning na kung praning.

But can you blame me after two thugs ran after me with a what-looks-like-a-pipe-but-might-also-be-a-sumpak? Quite a mouthful noh? Again, don't blame me. I was busy running for my life so I couldn't really be sure what almost hit me (yup, nadaplisan ako).

That should also explain why I asked the police to free this guy they caught. Yeah sure, I've seen the guys for a second or two. One was taller than the other and yes, I saw other details, only I don't remember them.

Minsan na ako na akong pinagdudahan na nagvandal at nagkalat ng mga gamit sa opisina ng kalihiman and I DID NOT LIKE THE FEELING!!!!! Yes they never accused me directly but I see it in their eyes and the way they question me... "Uy, nabalitaan mo ba? Uy, di ba kayo yung last na lumabas dun, Uy, sino kaya yun? Ah, (looking at someone else) Rogelio ikaw raw yun? PLASTIC!!!!

In the end, someone confessed to what happened after someone else reported that they were actually the last ones inside that office. Don't ask me the details what really happened. Confidential daw so hindi namin alam. But before that people were talking in circles and was actually saying that I and a former best friend might have done that. Why couldn't they just say it straight to my face so I can tell directly that wasn't me.

UNA WALA SA CHARACTER KO YAN. PANGALAWA, HINDI KO SASAYANGIN ANG BUHAY KO AT ANG KREDIBILIDAD KO (I wasn't in the media yet back then, but I was always careful not to taint my credibility and I intend to maintain that. Hindi ako mayaman, hindi ako gwapo, hindi malakas sa kahit kanino. Wala akong maipagmamalaki kundi yung character ko.) PANGATLO, KAHIT SINONG IHARAP NIYO SA AKIN SA GRUPONG YAN SA PAYATAS, MASASABI KONG MAS MATINO AKO. PANG-APAT, HINDI AKO STUPID, STUPID LANG ANG GAGAWA NIYAN. PANGLIMA... I can give a thousand reasons and I'm sure they won't be able to refute them.

Wala lang. Naiba na yung takbo ng blog ko. Usually, I try to control the organization and flow of my blogs, now it just went haywire. Naaalala ko kasi. The sumpak thing happened last March. The vandal thing happened two or three years ago. Matagal na pero hindi ko makakalimutan yon. Pinagbintangan ako at dinaan sa tsismis. Mahirap yon kasi hindi ka makasagot ng direkta. Kaya nung may nahuling lalaki na tumatakbo at supposedly humampas sa akin ng tubo, hindi ko mapakulong. Hindi ko kayang kasuhan kasi hindi naman ako sigurado. Hindi ko kayang magbintang.
Pasenysa na. You know why I write blogs. It's not because I have an exciting life to tell. It's more because may bagay na dapat kong ilabas pero di ko makwento. Yung mga tipong sa mga psychiatry session dapat sinsabi kung di lang masyadong mahal. Eto na yun. Eto na yun.

(Pwede ring mga bagay na excited ako masyado tapos ako lang naman maaexcite at wala namang paki yung mga kaibigan ko.)

I'll write what I intended to write tonight next time.

Sawa Na

Sawa na akong magwhine. Kaso di ko mapigilan.
Malapit ko na ngang palitan si Archie (ang nag-iisang "Reklamador ng Bayan.")

Sawa na rin akong magpalit ng show. Kaso... wala lang.
Sana mapagtiyagaan pa nila ako. Sana rin kayanin ko pa.

Nabasa ko pala yung blog ng kaibigan ko. Aalis na pala siya.
She's "giving up her passion" for "practical needs" Nainip na.

Sabi niya, darating ang araw na tatanda siya, magiging "brittle ang bones".
Kakayanin pa kaya niya magtatakbo-takbo at mangulit ng mga reporters non?
At may matatakbuhan naman daw ba siyang "medical benefits" kung sakali?

Ang totoo matanda na ako. Nagpipilit lang akong maging bata.
Pag tinatanong ako noon sa kung ilang taon na ako, sinasabi ko 19 kahit 21 na ako.
Ngayon, kahit ata sabihin kong 25 ako, walang maniniwala. Ang totoo 24 pa lang ako.
Sabi ng isa ko pang kaibigan, nakakatanda raw talaga sa trabaho.

24 na pala ako. Bakit pakiramdam ko wala pa akong nararating?
Tama siguro si Lyndon Gregorio, yung creator ng Beerkada.
Parang treadmill ang buhay, nakakapagod pero wala kang pinatutunguhan.
O baka ako lang?

I am enjoying best of both worlds. Ang trabaho ko parang public affairs pero nasa news.
Kaya siguro pakiramdam ko hindi ako makausad.
Kumbaga nasa "forkroad", hindi makapili kung kanan o kaliwa.

Masaya ako noon. Yung inalisan kong posisyon nang umalis ako sa kumpanya, nabalikan ko pa.
Pakiramdam ko kasi noon, iniwan ko yung "peak ng career" ko.
Ganon pa rin pakiramdam ko ngayon, nasa "peak" ako ng career ko.
Wala na kasing mas tataas. From here, everything goes downwards.

Nakakalungkot na perspective pero mukhang totoo. Wala nang next step.
Nakapako lang ako dito tapos tatanda ng ganito.
Tinanong ako minsan kung masaya pa ba ako. Madaling sagutin yon dati.
May goal ako non. Gusto ko makapagkwento ng maayos at mahusay. Gusto kong makatulong.
Ganon pa rin ngayon, pero may mas dapat akong intindihin.
Isang goal lang, makapagproduce ng isang storya kada linggo. Kahit ano. Imagine, kahit ano?
Hindi ko nagagawa yun. Kaya kada linggo, tumatanda ako.

Yung sagot ko sa tanong...
Wala naman akong magagawa eh. Eto lang yung alam kong gawin. Wala akong choice.
Nalungkot ako ng isagot ko yun. Nagulat ako pero yung kausap ko hindi na nagulat.
Noon lang ako nahimasmasan, pakiramdam ko pala nakatali ako.

Natuwa ako para sa kaibigan ko.
Nakakalungkot na iiwanan niya ang kanyang "passion" for "practical needs".
Nalungkot ako kasi halos magkasabay kami nagsimula sa media.
Buhay na buhay kami noon. Kahit pa pangarap lang ang bumubuhay sa amin.
Pwede nga akong magtrabaho non ng libre eh. Nakakuha pa ng P2,500 sa isang pay period.
Pero tulad ng sabi ng kaibigan ko, tumatanda na kami.
May mga pangangailangang kailangang tugunan, hindi lang financially kundi career-wise din.
Nalulungkot ako, naluluha pa nga, kasi ako man nasa ganung kalagayan at ako man pasuko na.
Pero natutuwa ako dahil nakaalis siya. Sabi niya sa akin, may choice ka, may mapupuntahan ka pa.
Natuwa ako kasi totoo yun. Napatunayan na niya.

Sa totoo lang ayokong umalis. Ayoko na. Sawa na ako.
Pero nagsasawa na rin ako sa pangangarap ko.
Kung wala ring pupuntahan, anong ginagawa ko dito?

Dying

First I was dying to finish high school and start college
And then I was dying to finish college and start working
And then I was dying to marry and have children
And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough for school so I can concentrate on my work
And then I was dying to retire
And now, I am dying...
And I suddenly realize I forgot to LIVE
- ANONYMOUS

That was a forwarded message from a former org batchmate and now a colleague. Read it once and immediately saved it. Never noticed something missing.

And then the subway stopped. The lights went off. And everything was just black.
Then a cellphone lit. And then another and another.
Before you knew it everyone was texting or calling someone. Everyone...but me.

No, not me. I meant the protagonist. Scenes later he would complain to his bestfriend and whine about having nobody special to text or call during such "situations". His friend oblivously answered, "Why didn't you call me?"

And then the whole theater roared into laughter. I did too. We all did throughout the whole screening. I laughed with everyone else while I watched my life story flash on the big screen.

Ei, sana nanood ka ng Korean Filmfest sa UP Film Institute.

I loved the first film screened today - "I Wish I Have a Wife"
sent to Jack

Whoa, whoa... hold your horses.
You gotta find a GF first.
From: Jack
7:41pm 23-SEP-06

There. The missing lines. How could I have missed those parts?
 
First I was dying to finish high school MISSED: FIND YOUR ANGEL
and start college MISSED: FIND YOUR ANGEL 
And then I was dying to finish college MISSED: FIND YOUR ANGEL
and start working INSERT: FIND YOUR ANGEL OR ELSE:

And then I was dying to marry and have children
And then I was dying for my children to
grow old
enough for school so I can
concentrate on my work
And then I was dying to retire
And now, I am dying...
And I suddenly realize I forgot to LIVE
- JECO, with some parts plagiarized from ANONYMOUS (hehe)

Crap

Discussing crap is disgusting. Seeing and smelling 'em, worse.
To dream about crap... well, that's something else.

Wag niyo munang pansinin yung kaululan sa taas. Mamaya, baka maiintindihan niyo.

Insomniac ako. Kailangan ko magpaantok bago matulog. Mas gising kasi ako sa gabi.
Kailangan ko mag-internet, kailangan ko magbasa, manood ng VCD, magsit-ups, magpaliit ng tiyan.

Pagkatapos non, aantukin na ako. Papatayin ko ang ilaw.
Mahihiga, pipikit at sa wakas, nakapikit na ako at nakahiga at walang ginagawa.
Tamang-tama sabi ng utak ko. Isip ka na ng istorya para sa trabaho mo.
(Ibig sabihin, sa loob ng ilang oras, mananatiling gising ako.)

Hindi naman laging ganon.

Pag meron akong istorya, pag meron akong nashoot, wala na akong problema.
Kailangan ko lang mag-internet, magbasa, manood ng VCD, magsit-ups, magpaliit ng tiyan.

Pagkatapos non, aantukin na ako. Papatayin ko ang ilaw.
Mahihiga, pipikit at sa wakas, nakapikit na ako at nakahiga at walang ginagawa.
At dahil may istorya na ako at may na-shoot na nga, tamang-tama...
Pwede ko nang pag-isipan kung ano sa mga shoot ko ang gagamitin, ano ang kulang at paano ko isusulat ang script ko.

Ang saya noh? Ah... oo siyempre. Gising ako.

Pero minsan sa pagod, nakakatulog ako agad.
Gaya noong nakaraang dalawang Linggo.
Halos araw-araw may ginagawa ako para sa istorya ko tungkol sa... pasintabi sa kumakain...tae.

Oo. Tae. Basta, tungkol sa mga poso negro.

Minsan nga, napadpad ako sa isang iskwelahan. Medyo malabo kung saan basta wala akong mataehan. Kumuha ako ng plastic. Mahirap ilarawan, masyadong graphic.

Basta sa huli, may tubo sa gitna ng classroom na ang baho. Yung tipong dinadaanan at ng dumi papuntang poso negro kaso di naman nakakonekta sa kung ano. Kailangan ko hawakan, kailangan kong kunin. Di ko alam kung bakit, siguro kasi walang ibang estudyanteng gustong kumuha at nagpapaka-feeling-hero na naman ako. Basta, ang alam ko punung-puno ng dumi ang kamay ko.

Sh*t! Nanaginip na pala ako. Hanggang pagtulog, binabangungot ako dahil sa trabaho.

www.astrologyzone.com/lifelove/seducing/aquariusm.html

The Aquarius Man: January 20 - February 18

by Susan Miller                   

The most striking quality in the Aquarius man is fierce independence and creativity. He may also have a scientific bent. Aquarians never care about what has been done in the past because they are totally focused on the future. Your Aquarius lover may also be concerned with humanitarian issues and feel moved to do something about a environmental imbalance or social injustice. Natural and charismatic leaders, most of our presidents have been Aquarians (President Ronald Reagan is one). They usually have many friends, although only few can get into their inner circle.

Your Challenge
Friendship is so important to him that you may feel his pals are more important to him than you are. This isn't the case, but can be hard to cope with at times. Loving an Aquarius is often frustrating because they often act aloof and hard to catch. But as the French say, the one who suffers greatest loves the most. You'll need to position yourself inside his circle, and not be on the outside looking in.                   

How To Handle Them
In love and marriage, the Aquarius male will need to retain his sense of individuality and freedom. The wise woman in love with an Aquarius will not hem him in. Inside the Aquarius there is often a struggle between wanting to live alone but still craving love and nurturing (a side kept well hidden). This duality could drive you crazy at times, but it is best to ignore it. When they become angry, they will act distant rather than rant and rave, so try to draw him out, and get him used to sharing his innermost thoughts. When there's a disagreement, reason with him intellectually rather than emotionally; this guy is analytical.

Things to do, gifts to buy
Nothing makes an Aquarius happier than talking about electronics or the internet. They are ruled by Uranus, the planet of the future. He will spend his entire day on the computer, and his only fears are frying his CPU or a power outage. Tell him your VCR needs setting, that your computer fonts are screwed up, or that you haven't configured your new e-mail software yet. Be a damsel in electronic distress. Over fiberoptic cables and phone modems you can find true love.

Be sure to send him frequent e-mail to show him you are thinking about him. Meet at one of the new chat rooms, like The Palace or V-Chat, especially if you know one another well, and assume various avatars and speak to one another in a predetermined code language. Attend computer user meetings together, catch the newest 3D flick (complete with 3D glasses) or play a virtual reality game. Meet at a cyber cafe for coffee and surfing www.suck.com a deux. Is all this getting a little too wired for you? Aquarius also likes a good off-line party, so find out where one is happening and bring him along, or throw your own bash.                   

Don't only rely on e-mail to reach your Aquarius, but also leave steamy love notes on his office answering machine (if it's private), or call him on his car phone early in the day and make a "date" for one another that evening. Say something memorable and get him all worked up. But remember   that for an Aquarius to fall deeply in love, they first have to be friends (this sign rules friendship). Don't rush him, or think you aren't making "progress" fast enough.

This part, not applicable
He likes you wearing something current, short and sexy in a man-made fiber, so greet him tonight wearing nothing but Saran Wrap. For going out, you might choose something in shiny stretch vinyl. Sexually, Aquarius is lots of fun because he is so spontaneous and experimental. He might visit a sexual aid shop and come home with a bag of little toys for you both to enjoy. A sense of playfulness is essential with Aquarius and you'll have to lighten up a bit to stay popular with him.

Hahaha. Magbigay daw ba ng tips.

Back

It's about time I write an entry again. My last post was a nonsense post. I was at a cafe then because my computer crashed last March just when I was middle of writing another first in my life.

Here's the draft of that entry, which I am not editing anymore.

"Forgive me for getting too excited about my firsts. Nothing really extraordinary in these experiences - common, actually, to many people - but me experiencing them only this year makes them really special (at least for me). And while it doesn't concern you who mistakenly clicked that link which lead you to my humble blog, my publisher/editor/self found them to be worthy enough to be blogged about.

Just in case you don't know yet, only this year did I have the chance to go to a beach. Read here and believe. And now that you've read that (I assumed you clicked the link) let me share another first in my life...

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NAKASAKAY NA AKO NG AIRRRRRRRPLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNEEE!!!!!!

Technically, it was not my first time to ride a plane. In 1987, when I was in kinder I got a chance to ride one. Really brave for a five-year old kid to ride one when most kids in that plane have a parent or a yaya with them.

I remember saying goodbye to my parents that morning. It was probably one of the sincerest farewells I said in my entire life. Thinking like an adult, I put my best smile for my mom and dad as I told them to not to worry and that I'll behave and will be a good kid and that I'll be back. I did that because I don't want them to cry like those parents I saw in the movies. And they did not, they just smiled back as they wave goodbye.

I was already seated and had just successfully buckled my belt when I saw everyone leaving their seats. My seatmate told me to unbuckle fast. Without understanding why, I began pulling my seatbelt but to no avail. I started panicking and was about to cry. Then my seatmate's yaya assisted me and before I knew it, I was being ushered off the plane along with my co-passengers.

I was told to hurry up or the bus would leave us. Our next stop would be Fort Santiago.

Yes, my dear friends it was just a field trip. But back then, I really thought we were to fly to the U.S. Hey, I was just five years old. My teacher said we were to ride a plane. Of course, I thought we were to fly. That's what planes are for. That's how my cousins left for the U.S. That's what my relatives tell me that when I see planes flying in the sky.

Anyway we did not. And since then I had never rode a plane... until this Saturday."

That was the last line I've wrote for that entry. I had all these words in my mind to describe how I felt during my first flight but now they're gone. Well, not really gone, I mean I still have them somehow in my mind. But since, weeks have already passed and I've thought about this entry over and over I feel I really shouldn't make a big deal out of this experience.

Anyway, some realizations after that flight:

• I should have been a pilot. If I had the chance to ride a plane when I was young, I know I'd be a pilot by now.
• A plane can't just fly. It has to be in its proper strip before it flies, ang daming paikot-ikot, nakakainip bago lumipad. And yung bwelo, kailangan talaga mahaba-haba. In many ways, it's like what life is, every move we have to take has to be calculated.
• Also like life, mabilis at mabagal ang eroplano. The feeling up there was as if we we're not moving forward at all. Tilting sideways, yes, but not gliding or flying forward. But if you are to look down, you'll know you are moving fast. Ganon din minsan sa buhay, nakakainip parang ang tagal ng lahat and before we know it, time's gone. We missed the feeling of being in Cloud 9 because we keep thinking about our destination.
• PAHABOL: The view up there was wonderful. Yung mga buildings ng Manila habang lumiliit. Maliliit na sasakyan na parang langgam sa traffic. Yung mga bundok na kalbo at mga di pa kalbo. And our beaches... I appreciate their beauty more now. Green islands surrounded by really sky blue water which turns to bright blue green color before finally blending into dark blue seas. Up there you'll realize how small you are in this big world. Wala lang.

By the way, I didn't flew for a vacation. Just to Tacloban, then to Ginsaugon and Liloan, Southern Leyte. I covered something for Kapuso Foundation which will be building houses and a school building for displaced families. People behind the foundation were really great and sincere. Their work may seem like a corporate publicity for some but not for them. They really love helping people. Noon ko lang talaga naappreciate.

Lastly... dapat talaga naging piloto ako.

"All My Life"

Hindi ko paborito yung kanta o yung pelikula. Kaya medyo nagtaka ako nung sinabi nung sinabi ng kaibigan ko na ako raw yung kakanta nito sa Videoke. Hahaha.

It turned out na seryoso pala siya. Kwento niya habang kumakanta ko, nung araw na nagkakilala raw kami eh yung paulit-ulit kong kinakanta. (Tol, Naalala mo pa yon?) Di ko na talaga matandaan pero naniwala ako kasi lagi akong kumakanta (madali akong ma-LSS) at nung time na yon eh uso pa sa school namin yung mga senti songs.

Anyway, that was six years ago. More than half a decade na pala kami magkakakilala. Corny pero nakakatouch when friends remember things about you na kahit ikaw nakalimutan mo na. Again, made me more thankful that I met this great bunch of people, some who I thought at first I won't be comfortable with. (haha. yung isang yun... stereotype ng mayamang mayabang tingin ko dun. hahaha)

Last Saturday was great... hindi lang dahil nilibre kami sa KTV ni Lundle at dinala kami sa Bellini's ni Nomer (Marikina Expo sa Cubao was great. Reminds me of my kid life during the 80s, especially yung facade ng shops at yung Vintage Pop. haha). Eto ay dahil nakakasama ko ulit itong mga "bwisit" na ito na nagpapalimot sa akin na single pa ako. (Except for that talk over dinner. And yes Nico, not by choice. hahaha.)

Sayang nga lang. Lima na lang kami last time down from this group of twenty-something people. Reminds me of that APO song.... "Nagsimula ang lahat sa (CM). Magbabarkada (twenty-something)..."

At least lima pa kami. Yung APO tatlo na lang.
Plus I am sure dadami na ulit kami next time.
(Wish ko lang.)

Tauban, Puyatan at

Review lang ng past week:

• Sunday. Muntik tumaob yung bangka namin. Siguro 80 degrees tagilid. I already saw this picture of me grabbing anypart of the boat and then saving our camera no matter what. Fortunately, by some miracle, our videographer (cameraman) has sensed what was about to happen. He was in front of me and I saw raise the camera as if preparing for his plunge into the water. This forced his weight to the opposite side saving us a lot of trouble. Nalaglag yung assistant niya but he was quick to get his bag off his back and put it in the boat. All our tapes and other equipment are in the bag. The bag was wet but everything was okay. Yun nga lang, naiwan yung bag habang pinapatuyo.
• Monday. Ngaragg. I wrote for a noontime newscast nung morning. Then wrote an 8-minute script in the afternoon while monitoring kung eere ba ang isa ko pang story for an evening newscast. Was supposed to start editing for the 8-minute segment I mentioned earlier pero since gabi na ako natapos, the next day na kami nag-edit.
• Tuesday. Did I mention di ako natulog nung Monday? Di rin ako umuwi ng bahay, nagbihis at naligo. Dedma na. Hahaha. For most people sa public affairs ordinary na yung 2 days walang tulog pero sa akin, ngayon na lang ulit. But it was worth it. I have to thank lahat ng nakatrabaho ko for this RN epi - si Ralph na sobrang masipag sa shoot kahit mabasa at malublob sa tubig, ang galeng ni Kuya Ten at Kuya Ryan magshoot, astig cut-to-cut editing with libreng lessons (dami ko natutunan pati sa pagsulat) at sa master editing , nakakabilib how additional video, trimming, effects at scoring can improve the material dramatically. Thanks po ulit sa opportunity na makapagproduce ulit ng segment.
• Wednesday- Friday. Patay tayo diyan. Nagpinch hit ako to write for 24. PERO PERO PERO... officially dead-end na ako sa paghahanap ng storya for my regular segment. It was not like before na at least meron akong idea ng gagawin or meron akong fina-follow-up. Now I am facing a blank wall. If this continues this week, I'll be jobless in a few weeks

So friends, baka naman may interesting, worth investigating story kayo na tipong hindi isolated complaint lang at medyo macro dahil may trend or stat to support it pero meron pa ring mahahagilap na case study para dito, na tipong bandang Metro Manila lang sana at tipong hindi naman regular beat lang, na tipong maraming naapektuhan na mga tao, na sana hindi maliit na tao ang maiipit, na sana hindi naman kailangan ng one month para matrabaho ko, na sana hindi rin masyadong gasgas na isyu like meron palang mga babaeng namamara sa qave at lalakeng namamara sa qccircle pag gabi dahil yung mga ganun eh tipong alam na ng buong mundo.

Basta. Parang awa niyo na.

First Time (And no pictures)

    After 24 years, I finally had a chance of going to a beach. (I'm 24. Do the math. Yes, it was my first time.) And surprisingly, I loved the experience.

    I say surprising because for the longest time, I consider myself more of a mountain lover rather than a beach bum. I'd prefer sweating while climbing and hitch hiking over getting my feet dirty in the sand. Plus my complexion is dark enough to get burnt.

    And what is there to enjoy at the beach anyway? I don't swim well. Anong gagawin ko dun? Makikipagtitigan sa dagat?

    But you know what? After one beach experience, I now know that I can do that all day. Kaya kong humilata sa buhangin maghapon at tumanga sa walang katapusang karagatan. It's like taking a break from working all day at your office pc (I don't have one, by the way) by staring at this very interesting screen saver. ONLY, much more better, more relaxing than dizzying and very REAL.

    The random shapes and patterns that waves create. Galing di ba? It doesn't need logarithm and other complicated formulas that put randomness in computer-created images like screensavers. Just pure forces of nature that only God can choreograph. May bonus pang soundtrack... the waves crashing against the sand and rocks, the breeze. It was a whole multimedia experience and more. You can actually smell the sea, something audio-visual technology is still working on by now.

    Having said that, I now realize it was a good thing that I didn't have a cam to capture all the details of my experience. I should be bragging my great shots by now if I had a cam. But then that meant spending more time concentrating on digital images on my cam's LCD screen and losing time to personally enjoy and capture all the details of the experience in my memory.

    Still, having a cam would have been useful. I could have shown you why we were there at the beach and hopefully move you in one way or another. I was actually there for work because of a coal spill. I don't think blogging that there was a coal spill in a remote nameless beach in Pangasinan will be compelling enough for you to get the whole picture and make you feel what was really going on there and what fishermen there are actually facing. I could have asked you to watch Reporter's Notebook last Tuesday but back then I was too busy and tired to blog.

    So I'll just tell what we saw. We saw this small beach and walked on its white sand and would have immediately fell in love with the place if not for this annoying barge blocking what could have been a great view of the South China sea. The barge was literally spilling coal, filled to its "rim". A little more walk past some rocks, the white sand disappeared. All there was were black coals. And by the black shore, gone were the deep coral bed pockets. Areas that were supposedly waist-deep and full of fishes are now ankle-deep and filled with coal.

    We listened to some fishermen who feared losing their livelihood and some residents who have to bear with the smell of the coal when it heats up under the sun. These are people who grew breathing fresh air. Pollution was probably not in their vocabulary. And so not surprisingly, some people there were not aware that the coals were damaging their place. Not until some concerned people pointed that out to them. They were poor and were contented that heads of families in the community are given hundred fifty pesos each by the barge's owner for "guarding" the "precious coals". Until recently, they were not aware that their future was being robbed.

    Again another realization: I did not enjoy the experience. Probably, I was just overwhelmed by the idea that I have actually seen white sand in the area. I was just thankful that I had the chance of seeing it before black coals totally cover it and grateful that I experienced the beauty of the area before it turns into a dying paradise.

Few Degrees Apart

Every two person who don't know each other are actually related through acquaintances and are only apart by three (or four?) degrees.

Such a mouthful for a theory. It's because I don't know the exact words or the name of this theory. Even Google can't help me out.

But just to explain (and I'm sure you're about to get this) type: www.friendster.com

Remember the feeling of seeing this long-lost friend among a friend's friend's friendster network?

Or searching this big popular star and finding out that s/he's actually just two degrees apart from your network (by clicking "How you are connected")?

That's exactly what I meant. You and this random person beside you inside this sardine-packed jeep are actually just two or three or four friendster degrees apart.

Just yesterday, a high school classmate in Dubai who I was chatting with asked about another friend. They don't know each other so I thought she must have found about the other through my friendster network. It turned out that my H.S. classmate's sister's boyfriend's cousin is my other friend's husband. Now they're housemates in Dubai.

Wow!

Which brings me to another topic that I have long wanted to discuss here... I have so many friends, relatives and acquaintances that now live abroad. And I know more who have plans to leave the country. I don't know why I am still here but just thinking about the great risks these people take makes me feel like I'm a wimp. I have reasons to stay, of course. Or like I mentioned before, I have excuses.

Bawian at Biruan

Binabawi ko na yung nasulat sa earlier post ko.
Walang dahilan para magpiyesta ang mga tao... mapa-militante, npa, press o ordinaryong tao.
Tuluy-tuloy na ang pagpapadampot sa kung sinu-sino kahit walang warrant of arrest.
Yung isa, may warrent of arrest nga... pero panahon pa ni Marcos yung warrant.
Yung mga warrant kaya nung panahon ni Quezon, may pangil pa?

======

Newsdesk to reporter: "May balita ba kung ipapasara na tayo?"

SP celebrating his birthday today: "Wala nga akong pera. Saka kailangan magtipid, baka i-freeze assets natin"

Reply sa Nagpakwento

Nangamusta isa kong friend sa States. "Kwento naman..."
Ako naman si gago, nagkwento. As usual, madaldal kasi pasulat.
TYPE... TYPE... TYPE...

Eto yung na-type ko sa keyboard ko (Most parts unedited):

WARNING: Mahaba, saka walang sense. Sulat lang ako ng sulat tapos nagulat ako haba na saka walang direksyon. Hahaha. Sensya na. Hope you don't mind. Post ko na rin 'to sa blog ko. Sayang sulat ko eh.

hmmm, kwento....
ano ba?
magulo sa pilipinas pero as usual dedma lang mga tao.
as usual din praning si Gloria, ang mga foreign investors at malamang ang int'l community.
piyesta naman ang mga militante at malamang ang npa.
piyesta rin ang mga estudyante kasi nung friday pa walang pasok.
piyesta rin sana ang press. Syempre sagana sa istorya, Mas maraming readers/viewers/listeners meaning [This part edited*]

Pero dahil ni-raid ang Daily Tribune, pwede ring may mga mapraning. I mean sakaling magmartial law kahit anong dami ng istorya kung ipasara naman ang media eh wala rin. Wala kaming trabaho.

[This part inserted: may media crackdown na?]

Nagkakagulo na lahat pero yung mga nasa loob ng bahay ni Kuya, wala pa ring alam.
Ganun din yung mga 24/7 na nakatutok sa PBB.
Dedma rin yung mga fans ng Starstruck. Hanggang ngayon, pinagtatalunan pa nila kung bakit nakapasok si Gian sa Final Four.
Yung mga maka-singko naman. (Although baka di ka maka-relate kasi nasa States ka), Shall we Dance Grand Finals ang inatupag. (Btw, my Philippine Idol franchise na ang channel 5)
Yung marami naman, kumakalam pa rin ang sikmura.

Ako... patay ako sa trabaho. Pinatawag ako kanina (dahil nga sa gulo sa Marines) pero may activity ako sa Church. Di ko alam kung anong gagawin ko bukas. Yung segment ko kasi eh may pagka-autistic. I mean walang kinalaman sa current events so malamang hindi ako mapriority... airtime, crew, etc. Kahit naman ako iniisip ko I'd rather na mapriority yung gulo ngayon sa government. Mas gusto kong tumulong sa pagtutok dun ngayon. Imagine yung gagawin ko bukas: Maghahanap ako ng health center na blahblah blah... gagawin ko yun habang ang buong Pilipinas eh nagkakagulo (or nagpapa-entertain) sa pagmamatigas ni Gloria.

Sensya if I'm talking nonsense na. hahaha, Wala akong makwento masyado. I mean compared sa lahat ng nangyayari, wala nang kwents mga kuwento ko. hahaha.

Eto example ng walang kwentang kwento tungkol sa akin:
Ang daming nambwibwisit sa akin sa text.

My Sandra Ramos na naghahanap kay Jake Hernandez. Pero nangungulit pa rin kahit na-kontak na RAW niya si Jake. Tapos tinawag ako na Mr. Sungit. Then akala ko okay na lahat, kinabukasan nagtext. At guess what kung ano ang text.... Chain text na kailangan kong isend sa 21 friends ko para walang mangyari sa akin ng masama. HELLO? Kahit nga sa mga kaclose ko minsan naiinis ako pag nagsend ng ganito tapos etong isang ito SENDAN BA NAMAN AKO NG GANON. Buti kung quote or something. Hindi eh. Sana sa ibang kilala niya sinend. Kundi lang masama magsabi ng B-O-B... sabi nga "FRIENDS EH" Syempre nag-"sungit" na naman ako. Nagsorry tapos akala ko natauhan na at di na mangungulit bigla ba namang may text: "So, fwends?"

Then there's Trixie na tinawag naman akong  supladong pangit. May isa pa trisha naman. Basta, nakakainis. Mga opening line eh "Hi can you be my honey?" Tapos ang hilig sa mga words na "ellow" "nem" (name) "fwens"...

Hahaha. I know. Ang daldal ko magsulat. You probably were thinking.... ei san galing lahat ng mga pinagsasabi nito. Nangamusta lang ako. Paki alam ko naman sa mga texters niya.

Sensya na, madaldal ako magsulat. Especially sa gabi. Daig ko pa lasing. HAhaha.

[Everything beyond this point edited*]

*Hehe. Sorry di pala "unedited" Alangan namang lahat isama ko.

Back to...

I'm back to Globe. After blocking my Globe SIM card and missing all those important messages sent to my old number, I finally have a permanent number to which people can reach me 24/7.

I'm sure my boss will be glad to hear about this news. She was starting to get pissed off hearing this whenever she calls:

"Hey, si Jeco 'to. Walang kwenta ang Sun kaya di mo ako macontact. Leave ka ng message. Balikan kita agad."

That was my voice mail greeting. Thanks to Sun's extensive network coverage, most of the time , my boss only gets to reach my voicemail thus costing her few minute charges whenever she calls. Now, that's 24/7.

In fairness to Sun, they never failed to notify me about my voice messages AS SOON as I get signal. At our office compound, that means as soon as I get out of the newsroom, out of the network center. The Gazebo outside our building was the one of the few Sun signal havens within the vicinity.

Having said all these (no, I need not mention the times when I cannot send my text messages or the times when I cannot contact any number from my phone contrary to their 24/7 unlimited call and text service), I want to apologize to everyone for the inconvenience of having to edit my contacts from your phonebooks.

If its any consolation, you need not delete my SUN number. I'll be using it still. As for my new Globe number... it's the same as my SUN number. Just use 0917 instead of 0922. Also, my number is easy to remember if you know my name. Too easy that I won't post it here (Or else my few fans and foes will have a heyday playing "who gets to stalk Jeco first"). You can always go to my profile though where I have my numbers prominently displayed (BOLD, 18pt.)

visited UP last Friday to watch UP Fair's Eraserfest.

I was supposed to meet a few friends from work who went there ahead (I had a commitment earlier that night). I had a hard time contacting them though (thanks to Sun again).

Not a problem though. I didn't plan to stay long anyway because I had to report for work the next day (my condolences to all those who perished because of the massive landslide in St. Bernard, Leyte). Also, the concert was not as I expected. The few songs I've heard when I arrived were NOT Eraserhead songs.

Anyway, I was really glad to be back in UP.

Which reminded me of this weird exam I took earlier this week.

I was staring at this test paper with words and concepts that I felt I knew but cannot remember in anyway. It was like I was sick for weeks after getting chicken pox and missing twenty pages of lectures for each of my subjects. (No, worse. I only missed two school days when I got chickenpox and I hardly missed anything).

And this wasn't like those exams in UP. This was like those exams in elementary and high school where we, as little minors, were forced to study for three to four different exams daily. Plus, in elementary and high school, I usually review ALL LESSONS by the book. That's regardless of whether the teacher actually taught them or not (making Pointers to Review actually POINTLESS).

Cruel really, especially if compared to our exams in college where we are given one and a half hour for an exam. Not to mention the chance of persuading professors to not schedule exams on same dates.

 

So... back to that particular exam... I didn't finish it. Haven't answered anything actually. For sure, I'll fail it.

I was actually just dreaming (And in it, Ms. Mel Tiangco was our professor).

B-day, V-Day

Again thanks to all those who greeted me on my birthday. Those who called, who emailed, who texted (Many of whom I wasn't able to reply. Just in case you don't know yet. I am not using 09167*47*51 anymore. Check my profile to know my present number) and those who have no way of greeting me but have remembered my birthday just the same. I knew you were thinking of me. I was biting my tongue all the day.

I know. People are used to greeting celebrators (not celebrants DAW). It is a tradition. Still, I know most will agree, receiving countless greetings on your birthday can really make your day. It's not like Christmas or New Year (not that I'm saying they are less important) when everyone greets each other. Last Friday, it was MY birthday. And everyone I knew (save for my former best friend whose father's birthday falls on the same date as mine) were greeting no one else except me (as far as I know).

Today's celebration, on the other hand, is a totally different case.

Yes, you'll probably appreciate people greeting you "Happy Vday!" But, admit it.... you only want to hear it from ONE person. Because if not, then maybe you are among those who'll be greeted because they knew no ONE person will be greeting you today.

Wait... for a while. Someone just texted.

No need to feel alone this
Valentine's Day. Coz single
friends always have each
other! ;-)

See what I mean? I wonder how many similar messages I'll be receiving now?

Anyway, I am not much bothered though. For one, our religion doesn't celebrate Valentines and does, in fact, discourage its celebration. Aside from that I'm actually used to being just alone on this date.

The last time I actually spent this day with a special someone was probably 25 years ago. Back then, I was probably holding an angel's hand in a place some people call heaven. Almost a year after, I was sent to this earth and haven't been "with anyone"(officially) except three years ago. That one doesn't even count here because we broke up two months before Vday.(Regardless, nothing will count here. Our religion does not celebrate Vday).

So what to do today? Well, since it's only 12:26am I'll probably sleep until 8:00am and then go to work. Hopefully, I'll be able to finish mywork load early in the afternoon to avoid expected Vday traffic jam tomorrow. I should be sending annoying text messages to my ex but she left for Kuwait and didn't leave any number so I won't be able to do that.

I guess it will be another ordinary day.

Well, I HOPE SO. I'd rather have that than what happened a year ago. Just read how I spent my Vday last year.

Paranoid at 24

Here I am, 24 years old and still paranoid.

I'm saying "STILL" because admittedly, I'm a litte paranoid even before I wrote this blog or before I turned 24. If it won't take much of your time... go read my profile (you'll be able to access if you are connected directly to my network. Otherwise, don't bother. I'm writing it here anyway).

There you'll find that among my favorite expressions is "Sensya na." Not really a favorite expression but rather a "regular expression". I say it unconsciously to most people --- my boss, colleagues, sources, interviewees, acquaintances... most people who I am not really close with. I'm not sure why, but its like a defense mechanism of sort that I may have made some mistake or have offended them or have been taking much of their time. SEE? If that's not paranoia then I don't know what is....

AT THIS POINT I HAVE AGAIN lost my string of thought. I've been writing and rewriting this introduction about paranoia for hours that I should shut off my thoughts and just lead to my points where... SHUT UP JECO! SHUT UP!

STRAIGHT TO MY POINTS:

• I turned 24 (hence the title). I want to post my realizations at this point of my life or write anything interesting and thought provoking (like this one) but I've got none. Went somewhere on my birthday but have been thinking so much about the money I was spending (and was about to spend further) that I didn't enjoy the night as much as I expected. Anyway, I did have a great time reflecting on so many things but then again I realized these are the same things I knew and I've been reflecting on in the past. CONCLUSION: PURO NA LANG REFLECTION, KULANG SA ACTION. NAG-AAKSAYA KA NG ORAS. 2:57am na. MY PASOK KA PA. YUNG PAHINGA HINDI YAN PAHINGA. ORAS 'YAN NA NA NINAKAW MO SA NAKAKAPAGOD MONG ARAW. ARAW NA SIYA NAMANG NAGNANAKAW SA BUHAY MO. WALA KA NANG BUHAY. NINAKAW NA NG MGA GINAGAWA MO. 24 KA NA WALA PA RING NANGYAYARI SA'YO. PURO KA WENTO. Ok.... next point.

• I am still paranoid (hence the title and explanations above). My nabasa kasi akong shout out. Ako ba kausap non? O paranoid lang ako? O AYAN MAG-IISIP KA NA NAMAN. REFLECTION. NAPAPAGOD KA PARA SA WALA. TULOG KA NA.

Grabeh... nonsense noh? Eto na lang basahin niyo:
http://chickensopas.blogspot.com/
http://mikey.i.ph/blogs/mikey/
http://www.man-blog.com/
http://chona.blogspot.com/
http://twistedbyjessicazafra.blogspot.com/
http://areyouinthemoodforsomedude.blogspot.com/

Double Post: Me and My Excuse

It was not a grouptxt.

Fine. I kept mentioning "kayo", "niyo" and other plural "panghalips" (pronouns). But I wasn't inviting anyone else. Just you.

Confusing. Yes. The plural pronouns... I was just trying to be safe, just in case you want to bring someone alone. I won't mind really.

Why am I even discussing it here? It's because I don't want to admit to you directly and further highlight how pathetic I am to you.

By posting it here rather than just admitting it through text, at least there is this possibilty that you won't find out. Big possibility... I'm sure you won't waste your time reading my posts. Unless you want to boost your ego big time. Forget about "highlighting how pathetic I am" to other people. Walang nagbabasa nito. Walang "other people".

So why do I even bother writing this in a public medium?

So that one day, when we bump into each other and share this awkward moment of feeling that we have to at least say something, I'll have an excuse ready.

1. You: Ei, what happened about that trip? Sinu-sino kayo?
2. Me: Ako lang.
3. You: Hahaha. Walang sumama? Wa